Devra Don't Bake

naughty nodes

2010-02-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

I am the sickest I've been in years. It's started out as two or three generous lumps on the left side of my neck that caused a moderate amount of discomfort. My boss sent me to the doctor, where they were confused by my lack of symptoms and ordered a blood test and an ultrasound. That night I had unbearable chills, hourly wake-ups, and in the morning, a magnificient fever. I went to work, went home, went straight to the couch. After working a couple hours the next day, I went home for my weekend.

The problem with being this sick is that there is no way to enjoy being in bed all day. I would love to just be able to laze around, but unfortunately, being bed ridden in this case means a horrible, debilitating ache 24 hours a day. The only way to pass the time is by watching. I've since decided to create a list of everything I have started and finished.

-2 Episodes of Deadwood
-1 Episode of The Office
-1 Episode of 30 Rock
-1 Episode of South Park
-Brotherhood of the Wolf
-District 9
-Princess Bride
-Serenity
-Being John Malkovich
-The entire Tin Man Miniseries, which ended up being four and a half hours long (FOR GOD KNOWS WHAT REASON, IT WAS BALLS)

I'm also in the middle of watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, "Tormented", which is amazing.

The struggle

2010-02-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

I won't, simply won't, see the new Wolfman. This is certain. Not only that, but I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to talk about it with other people trying to convince me to see it, nothing. This is despite the fact that I love Benecio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins, and think they were extremely well cast. I even like Emily Blunt, who is a new up an comer who genuinely doesn't bother me. She is also engaged to to Jon Krasinski from the office, which speaks highly. From watching the preview, I can see that the direction they are taking the film is intriguing, even something I would actually like. But there is a problem with that. They are taking the film in another direction. They are taking my favorite movie of all time in another fucking direction.

Fuck you, new Wolfman. You should have never been made.

2009-11-18T19:50:00.000-08:00

I answered this new years questionnaire on january 2, 2009. I look forward to filling it out again on New years.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Move in with my boyfriend. Cry hysterically when the presidential election results were in.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I was severely depressed and angry last new years, because I was fired for a stupid reason by someone who I admired very much. I have very little memory of the days between December 19th through like, March. So no, I didn't have a resolution. My resolutions this year, however, are to quit smoking, and to not eat any meat at all.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes sir!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
My AA, an occupational direction, financial security, trust in myself.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
7/21, Eamonn's birthday.
9/20, my birthday.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Telling my boss I wanted to do cakes.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not forgiving Tina or Jim.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I'm sure I got a cold or something, and I know I got a lot of rashes.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I really don't know.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Tim, who supports and loves me and makes me laugh and feel beautiful and safe. Erin B.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jim, James, Bush, Palin, McCain

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent, gas, food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The election.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
"One For You" by The Knife.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? This is a flawed question. I'm angrier. Much angrier.
b) thinner or fatter? This is also an annoying question. I don't know. The same.
c) richer or poorer? Much much poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Been in integrity. Been forgiving. Swimming. Cooking.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Driving, smoking.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Cooking, painting, babysitting. With my family and very very good friends of the family.

21. What was your favorite month of 2008?
July 2008, when Eamonn was born.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I think that I figured out how in love I was with him, yes.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great JOB.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Absolutely not.

26. What was the best book you read?
Geek Love, by Katherine Dunn.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Knife. I truly discovered Michael Jackson as well.

28. What did you want and get?
A safe home. Wall-E dvd.

29. What did you want and not get?
To feel less insecure. To get financially stable.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Wall-E.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had a ton of people come to Thai Palace, my co-workers and friends, in a real awkward get together. After, I went to my co-worker's house warming party where they brought my a lemon meringue pie and a cappuccino cheesecake. Then Tim and a few of my guy friends and I went to a bar. It was my 21st birthday. I had three drinks the whole night.

32. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Getting to do cakes at work.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
I toned it down a lot, started wearing a lot more jeans, that fit me much better.

34. What kept you sane?
My friends, my boyfriend. Writing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Guy Pearce, Barack Obama.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The presidential election, Prop 8. Prop 2.

37. Who did you miss?
Erin B, Jack, Nicole, Tina, Andi, Griffen, Jamie, Doby, Tyler, Tony M and T, Mark.

38. Who were the best new people you met?
Susan, Melissa, Wyatt.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Ask for the things you want. Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to truly do. Love.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Rasputina - Signs of the Zodiac:

"Do you believe in the signs of the zodiac?
Haven't you found that the systems for
Planning always fail?

Can you avoid what gave daddy his heart attack?
Have you tried everything, anything
All to no avail?"

Ruptdate

2009-08-11T13:41:00.001-07:00

Baby Sunflowers
Originally uploaded by darntootindevra

The summer will be ending for me soon.

My primary inclination is to dread to upcoming semester, to spin the future into some dreadful disaster that will inevitably end horribly. However, there was a time when I really loved school, and looked forward to new classes the way one looks forward to summer vacation. I loved the excitement of the unknown, the promise of new friends, new information, new school supplies.

This is a different time of my life, one with many new worries and preoccupations. I worry about money and the world ending, about my physical appearance and whether my plants are getting too much or not enough water. About Tim, and what I'll be doing in the future. In other words, shit that I have little to no control over, or shit that is not that big a deal at all.

Originally uploaded by darntootindevra

I have always said that change really frightens me. I'm starting to realize that my fear stems from being happy. I can understand why I wouldn't want things to change if I'm happy the way they are, but it isn't realistic.

I have been increasingly interested in gardening over the past month. I've since put in a few hardy fountain grasses, lavender and rosemary, in an attempt to start off simple and not stress anything out too much by planting in the summer. They seem to be doing well, mostly because the fledgling drip irrigation system I've got set up. I now am charge of taking care of my old neighbor's garden, since she moved out and lives 45 minutes away. My boyfriend's sister gave us her worm bin, because she wasn't having much success with it, and his Mom gave us worms. The wormies seem to be doing well, active, damp and cool.

Yesterday was another gem of a day, both Megs and I had the day off, which was out of the ordinary for a Monday. Got out to the house and painted with her, then she, Erin, the baby and I went for a five mile walk to the farmer's market. We stopped to buy my bike, and then to the playground. We went home, ate burritos, made a fire in the pit, and watched Two Fat Ladies.

I have weekends off this semester, but I hope that the weekdays won't be so crazy that I'll miss out on the shit that matters. If I need to bring my homework over to the house then I will.

photographix

2009-08-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

Flickr update.

A summer of scenes

2009-08-03T22:02:00.000-07:00

I return from a long, stupid silence without pictures, exciting news, or even anything that cheerful. I am blogging just to blog, content with the mundane un-extravagance that plagues these pages.

This summer has been what my friends have been affectionately calling the "Summer of our Lives". I waver between absolute agreement with that phrase and bitter cynicism, my uncool enthusiasm and dampening sporadic depressions going hand in hand in what seems to be an almost unsettling series of days that vary so dramatically that I honestly don't have any idea what to make of it all. I will attempt to catch up slowly, landmark situation at a time. I begin with the most exciting.

A few weeks ago I helped deliver Jason Schwartzman's wedding cake in LA with my boss, Yarrow. I blog about this now, hoping that this isn't invasive to anyone's privacy.

Sir Schwartzman got married to a woman named Brady. She's a small, cute, stylish woman that actually came into the Cakery to order the cake a month or so ago. She's a fashion designer. The wedding was at her parents house in Studio City, a big, LA house with a secluded yard, where was valet parking, if you can believe it. There was another cake in the car with us, for a different wedding the next day that we were delivering for the same wedding coordinator at this wedding. We were gonna knock off two cakes with one stone. The drive down there was fun with Yarrow. She's hilarious, always regaling you with some crazy story, like how her first job was working the drive through at Der Weinerschnitzel, and because she was really into acid at the time, she remembers very little of it. Or of the crazy woman who lived in the apartment below her in Berkeley that had a crack rock stuck in her teeth when she told Yarrow about her hot date one night.

But the mirth dissipated the moment the smaller wedding cake fell apart 30 minutes away from our destination. Buttercream covered almost everything, it was like a huge bird was caged inside Yarrow's tiny Toyota Matrix, and shit white, wet substance all over everything. Including the small coconut side cake meant specifically for Jason Schwartzman to eat all to himself that was a surprise, since he loooves coconuts so much. The good news however, was pretty damn good. 1) The cake that exploded was not meant for today, but tomorrow, so Yarrow could re-make it and drive it back down in the afternoon the next day. 2) the huge cake that was meant to serve one hundred some odd of the Indie World Elite, which could have very well included Francis Ford Coppola, was unscathed. 3) The coconut for Jason was made out of fondant, which is a sugar dough that hardens with time. It created a hard, protective shell for the cake underneath it. And though the shell was covered in frosting, it did wipe off, leaving it changed only slightly in color if wiped very gingerly.

The bads news was that we were now late, and it was 100 degrees outside and the big cake was now melting. And it was my job to carry the coconuts in my lap wiping off the mess, but instead of using a towel, which Yarrow forgot to bring, I was using Kleenex. So now the car, once filled with the bright laughter of light hearted women and stories of drug use, was completely silent, save an occasional deep, anxious breath, and the tense, constant whirring of the air conditioner, now going full blast as I slowly tremulously wiped off the frosting with kleenex after kleenex.

When we got off at our exit, it was now my job to make sure that the big cake did not tip over on the steep, windy roads on the way to the house. I did this by crawling to the back of the hatchback with the seats down, kneeling down next to the cake, and holding my hands out so that if it tips, I guess I could catch it with my bare hands. I guess I should tell you about the cake now. It was huge, about 70 pounds, in the shape of a big, white tower. A castle tower, I guess. The white bricks were accented with bricks of light pastel colors, like yellow, pink, and blue. It was also covered in fondant.

Now that I'm back here with the cake, I immediately wish I weren't. This is because I now have a full knowledge of how close we came to disaster because every bump, every turn, reveals how precariously the cake was secured. Not only this, but I am also completely unsecured, on my knees, without even my hands to brace me, because they are surrounding this big fucking cake. So if it fell over, there's no way that whatever makes it fall over won't make me fall over too. Even further on up the hill, the streets get really fucking steep, and the cake is tipping. So its my job to now wedge my hands underneath the cake board and lift it slightly so that it is level. And it is in this manner that we arrive at Jason Schwartzman's wedding.

And sure enough, when we arrive, so do the guests. And some of them are surrounding our car, gawking at me in their smart indie cocktail dresses and fedora hats. They see a destroyed cake and I'm sure they assume that we fucked up. Yarrow gets out of the car, and talks to the wedding coordinator, with the car closed, the A/C off, and with me, kneeling down in buttercream, sweating, with my mitts pried underneath a cake that is almost a hundred pounds. I wait. When they open the car and take the cake in, I stay behind, beginning to wipe myself down, and the car. We're looking ok, when Yarrow comes out and says, "So I'm gonna need you to cover the coconuts when you bring them in, because they're meant to be a surprise and he's right there." Huh. So we go in, and I immediately feel like some sort of slave on a plantation. I do not want to look at any of the guests in the eye, I do not want to be seen.

I did get to see the house, and the decorations though. There was no lawn on the ground, but actual circles of lawn sprawled intermittently in no pattern whatsoever. There was a gigantic mural on the wall, not made of stones or paint, but entirely of fresh flowers. We're talking like, 14 feet by like, 10 feet. Pure, fresh flowers. I see Fiona Apple, wearing a backless dress that exposes her bony back perfectly. I think, I will never get such a good look at a celebrity's skeleton. We're inside, the cake is down. I'm watching, and I see a big sculpture of a French Bulldog made up of what appears to be only plant matter. This is Arrow, Jason's dog, whom I saw surrounded by people outside. There are children sitting quietly on a couch, wearing white, linen, matching outfits that look like they are undergarments from the 1830's. I see the woman that played Adrian in the Rocky movies. I later found out she is his mother. There are bowls of food, but they aren't really there for eating. They're things like kumquats and gochi berries, fruits chosen for their asthetic value. Lots of neutral colors, white walls, smart outfits worn by wealthy, attractive hipsters. I am excused to go start the car while Yarrow takes a picture of her cake, and I go to open the front door when it is opened from the outside before I get to the knob. I am then face to face with the man of the hour, wearing a plum colored suit and large, glittering, silver aviator sunglasses. I laugh, and scurry away.

Yarrow's camera was out of batteries, so I only have shitty pictures on my phone, taken from the front of the car at the beginning of the trip, when the world was my oyster and Yarrow was out arranging flowers for a quincenera cake in Santa Maria. It doesn't really do the cake justice. It doesn't look like some sacred item that caused my boss and I so much anxiety that one would think we both had schizophrenia by the way we were acting at the end of the trip. It just looks like a big, cylindrical white mass. Which I guess it was.

I hope to continue with my trip to the Bay Area, Disneyland, the sweet moments inbetween. But one can rarely depend on me for regular blogging, so let's just hope I get some of it done before this hellish semester starts.

ganache and summer

2009-06-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

My friend Jamie is visiting from London this summer, and she's driving down to the area tomorrow for a visit!

Her birthday was in April, and I'm pretty infamous for how shitty I am about birthdays, so I thought I'd I'd make it up to her a bit by making her a late bee day cake.

White cake with strawberry filling and ganache icing.

ATTN: BAX

2009-05-07T12:14:00.001-07:00

More swine flu humor:

See more funny videos and Funny Videos at Today's Big Thing.

une autre gateau

2009-05-02T23:06:00.000-07:00

A teeny cake for Tim's dad and sister's birthday. I won't be able to go, because Rhinoceros has a matinee tomorrow.

newest cake

2009-04-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

My friend Jeremy's birthday is on Thursday, and his wife Melissa threw him a surprise party on Saturday. I wanted to make him a cake, and since Jeremy is truly the best guitarist I have ever met in person, her suggestion to make him a guitar cake seemed perfectly reasonable.

It was a challenge, as usual, working with a really small space, sub par tools, and not really knowing what I'm doing. But I did notice that the little techniques I picked up when working as a cake decorator at the cafe really helped a shit ton. Icing, for example, and knowing how to drape and knead and properly handle the fondant. Keeping the iced cake super cold helped a lot too, keeping the mess at a minimum and the fondant sturdier. I made my own fondant again this time, for purely financial reasons---the stuff is expensive. I had the ingredients on hand, and so I made a night of it and made it a couple of days beforehand. I really recommend doing the cake thing in parts, especially since cake and frosting making take so much time. It keeps well when wrapped and refrigerated properly, and the assembly is really what you want to focus on, not getting your sink and counter cluttered with all the B.S you accumulate when baking.

You can see my "cake face" perfectly in these photos, the expression I make when concentrating on being as coordinated as possible. You can also see the crumb coated cake.

I'm pretty happy with it, and Jeremy liked it a lot, so I consider it a success.

I will leave you with these pictures of my cat Leona after a much needed bath:

Exit Strategy

2009-04-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

The Cakery will gone soon, moved on to Templeton where Yarrow and her mother will be focusing on wedding cakes and leaving the deli and event cakes in the dust. This brings me back to a place that resembles square one in a couple of aspects. One, I will be once again scrounging this town for a job where I can salvage some semblance of dignity, a difficult feat in this economic climate. Two, I will no longer have any sort of outlet for my cake scratch fever. I think this means that I will be baking on my own more, which of course, will result in more blogging and photos. Which is a good thing. The problem is that I don't want to make cake after cake when I don't really eat it anymore and when buying ingredients overrides, budgetarily, buying things like gas, groceries, or underwear.

So I guess if you want a cake, ask me. I'm fairly good at this point and I'll cut you a deal. Essentially you'd be paying for the ingredients that your cake requires, no labor. I'm trying to build a portfolio and get practice. Sky's the limit.

Toilet Bull

2009-04-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

A plumber is in my house right now, pulling roots out of my toilets with a drain snake.

"I'm going to have to pull your toilet." He sighs, with a voice of the kind of resigned disappointment one would expect from a man must remove a stranger's toilet in order to wrench the tree that's growing in my plumbing.

Aww KITTY LOLZ

2009-02-19T15:23:00.000-08:00

So my essay topic for Main Styles in Film is to discuss the overall mythic themes present in the movie "Casablanca".

2009-02-10T00:36:00.000-08:00

I just came up with this for a title:

Here's Looking at Us All, Kid

Susan and John

2009-01-21T09:50:00.000-08:00

Photographic proof!

2009-01-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

I just saw that something effed happened during the editing stage of my last post, so if you want to reread the whole hunk of text, it makes a bit more sense.

2009-01-19T21:43:00.000-08:00

Looks like I'm on the prowl, once more, for a more perfect employment situation.

I'm still at the Cakery, but like, everyone else, my boss is cutting a shit ton of hours because she can't afford them. I'm currently only on two days a week right now, which at my pay rate, could barely cover the cost of toilet paper. So here I am, pulling out the ole' resume, and I'm finally looking at towns outside of SLO, mainly Arroyo Grande as an option.

But I'm not encouraged by the current unemployment rate, and though I love Obama, somehow I suspect that it won't go away the moment he's elected.

In other news, I just got back from a quick getaway to Big Sur with my special man friend. We sort of packed up and left, and when we were on the road, meandering up Highway One, we made sure to give eachother a high five for not wimping out.

It was such a treat to go, and was kind of an indulgence to take a trip a couple days after going to the show in Pomona. And what a dream that was! How cool was it for me that I got to go see these two comedians I adore as they danced and sang about diarrhea and incest not more than 3 feet from me.

It was THE PERFECT place to be, by the stage. I say this because of Tim, Susan, and I, not one of us, not two of us, but all three of us were chosen to come on the stage at DIFFERENT points of the show. To begin, there was a dramatic suprise when none other than Dr. Steve Brule, waltzed on the stage, eyes wide with confusion:

That's right. Oscar-Nominated John C. Reilly was right before our very eyes. He was very much in character, and it was a special deal, because he NEVER comes to the live shows. You know, 'cause of his CAREER and all. So his shpeal is that he is a very inept doctor and health correspondent for a local news show, with co-anchors Jan and Wayne Skylar. And he proceeded to say a few things, and then ask for a volunteer to perform a health exam on. He proceeded to walk right up to us, and stare intently into Susan's eyes. "What's your name, Beverly?" She responded, laughing, "Susan."

"OK Beverly. Want a health exam?" And she, like any insane person, crawled up on stage, and sat down on the stool, while Steve looked at his pad of yellow legal paper, on which Susan later told us actually had all of the questions written on it,a nd when she responded, he wrote down all of her answers exactly. The questions were all equally ridiculous and funny, including, "Do you...do you have a history of coughs?"

But he really pumped up the noise when he asked her if she thought breast exams were important. When she nervously responded yes, he then asked her if he could perform one on her. She looked at me, laughing and red, and I knew she needed guidance. I looked at her, smiling, and said, "It's OK Susan!"

She then turned to him, and said, "yes."

He managed to do something very obscene with the child-like gingerness expected of a 12-year-old boy, and therefore made it seem less bizarre and more innocent. So when he said, with accomplishment, "Um, your breast are healthy," and then quickly said, "I've got another question, and looked at his pad of paper, "would you dance with me?" Susan said decisively, "Absolutely."

They danced to "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey, and he escorted her backstage, where she said he stayed in character and she could see both Tim and Eric changing into tight, lime green spandex suits. He wrote her a huge note that said:

"Susan is healthy. And nice. Love, Dr. Steve Brule xo"

In huge, sloppy cursive. She has since framed it.

My boyfriend was called up later, along with three other audience members, during an advertising segment where they were trying to rep their newest development, the "Tim and Eric Touch". While they never actually said what it was, they did bring up volunteers, put on huge Mickey mouse hands, and sang out, "Touch touch, touch touch!" And touched each person in synch with the music. They managed to touch Tim, my Tim, in the crotch, several times, and then kicked them all off stage.

My time to shine came at the very end of the show, where they were going to give away two T-Shirts as a reward for the last two people standing in what I can only describe as Tim and Eric Taboo. They said, "You can only play if you are a Tim and Eric Genius. If you know everything about the show." To which I shot up both my arms like a middle schooler who definitely, definitely knows the answer. And apparantly my two companions both began pointing at me with equal furvor. Then Eric approached and said, "Yeah?"

I nodded eagerly, and went on stage at his allowance. I was the one who was to give the clues, and I'll just say that I won, and my clues were not easy to guess. This is because instead of simply describing the character in question, I simply recited a quote of theirs that I appreciated. This was not out of spite, but simply because I was SO NERVOUS. So on the screen behind the person guessing, there was a photo of each character and their name.

For the first one there was a screen shot of this, and the answer was "the snuggler":

And all I said was, "After high school, I wish I hadn't gone to college, I wish I had traveled." I then looked at the ground and screamed, "SHUT UP!" It was a hard clue, but even when I went on to say, "It's OK, I'm gonna save you're life here." The person didn't get it.

This next one was for Steve Mahanahan:

And all I did was shout, "Bring 'em back dirty, we'll hose 'em off!" The person didn't get it, but Tim and Eric both cracked a smile on their very serious faces, and everyone laughed in the audience, of which I'm very proud.

And here's who the last person was to guess: Bread Harrity...

And we both shined. I just said, "It's just a complete sexual journey..." And started laughing, because I looked at Eric, who had said the line originally, and he nodded and laughed. Because it was then that my two favorite comedians saw me, and knew that I knew my shit. And the cool thing was the girl guessed it! We both won!

Aww, it was great.

That's me and them!

And now school starts tomorrow. I look forward to it, because I have only fun classes. And at this rate, I'll have lots of time to devote to school, and lots of days off.

A blog oasis in the non-posting desert

2009-01-13T11:25:00.000-08:00

Currently reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, in an attempt to get some non-school reading done before the semester starts next week.

Her writing is poetic and meaty, and the stories are written so brilliantly, that I read them with her voice in my head, though I've never heard her speak, reciting the words clearly and vibrantly.

I stole the copy off my mom's book shelf a couple visits ago, asking in passing if I could borrow it, along with Benjamin Hoff's The Tao of Pooh.

I got a free crystal mat session on Friday, and I found the experience thoroughly rewarding. In the midst of a trance-like state, Jonathon, the practitioner, read the words to a card I drew before the session started. They were words from the Tao, and I found them particularly meaningful. I hope to read more on it soon.

Another plus to the whole healthier heat experience was in the waiting room, when the woman in the office down the way was speaking to another in front of me about the fact that the reason we were feeling so weird that day was due to the positive ions produced by the prevalent wind blowing. Before I could submit that I in fact, liked, the wind, the woman stated, "So positive ions are bad, and negative ions are good. And the wind produces positive ions."

The woman in the office said, "Ooooh! I knew there was a reason I felt so strange. I am so sensitive to energy!"

She then added, before I went in for my appointment, "I'm going to go give my self a colonic."

The only cupcake wedding cake I have ever liked

2008-12-31T03:55:00.001-08:00

Sweet Cuppin' Cakes
Originally uploaded by the_saminal

Found on the Offbeat Bride, wedding porn section.

That is a squirrel cake topper. I love it.

I'm not looking at weddings for any real reason, other than the fact that offbeat brides have the most bitchin' wedding cakes, and let's be honest here, I have a hard on for bitchin' wedding cakes.

2008-12-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

Flickr update!

I got a new camera for Christmas. Upon uploading the few new pictures I took the past couple of days, I've decided to clean up the rest of my account, so the pictures that are up actually matter, and the title say something other than "digital image".

Check it out, if you wanna.

uh oh

2008-12-20T01:59:00.000-08:00

My holiday experience, thus far

I am officially playing World of Warcraft. And I love it.
edit: I literally wasn't going to put up our christmas tree this year, until the game started getting in the spirit.

Still knees deep in my Michael Jackson obsession. So much so that I referenced him in my final research paper and it was actually relevent.

Eric Wareheim

2008-12-13T22:34:00.000-08:00

Also:

2008-12-10T20:30:00.001-08:00

I have been obsessed with Michael Jackson lately. In particular, the song "Stranger in Moscow":

Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore

2008-12-10T13:53:00.000-08:00

Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore

President Gore, retroactively determined by the Supreme Court to be the winner of the 2000 election, is sworn in for his six-week term.

In other non-fake news, the results are in, and I'm taking the following classes in the spring: Principles of Acting, Main Styles in Film, Dramatic Literature, Oceanography and Oceanography lab.

Stoked!

An I'll leave you with these awesome pictures of Tim's insane bed head I snapped this mornin':

2008-11-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

I was lovingly welcomed by Bax and Een for Nanxingiving, where I was fed and entertained at their Aunt's house. The food was great, and there were babes all around, and I got do something other than play World of Warcraft all night!

Nanxs, Fuss, Teeb and Ereen!

And now it's X-mastime, so I'll get everyone in the spirit with Keifer Sutherland.

pity party

2008-11-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

My lovely car broke down in Templeton on my way to my parents' house.

Now I've got two pies and a birthday cake for my mom waiting on the counter.

Fucking Thanksgiving, dude.

Maybe I'll go buy a tofurkey and have my own little thing at the house.

More Tim and Eric.

2008-11-26T19:09:00.000-08:00

For Steve

2008-11-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

2008-11-24T20:49:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

We gotta watch some Magnums when I come to visit. And Wall-E.

Tim and I are going to a show in Pomona in January.

I am so. Effing. Excited.

In other news:

Another gem from my darling beau

2008-11-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

"It's too bad cats can't read."

"Why?" I ask.

A long pause elapses.

"Because I think they would enjoy it."

fire update

2008-11-16T14:51:00.000-08:00

All is well.

Tim's parents are back at home, and the botanical garden lay unharmed.

Thanks for your good thoughts.

2008-11-14T21:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, here's what I made.

It's a treat for Tim.

His parents live in a cottage in the the canyons outside of Santa Barbara, and were forced to evacuate due to the approaching Tea Fire.

Prognosis was not good on the location of the fire in respect to the location of their home last time we checked, and the Santa Barbara Botanical Garden, where his father works. I think it was just a couple miles away. All we can do is hope that the winds are generous, and if they aren't we'll have to just hold on and see where they blow us.

It's been unbearable for these very good, very decent people. The house in which he said his first word ("moon")is in very imminent danger.

We watched Shawshank Redemption and I baked him cookies.

His suffering looks different than mine. I will burst into violent tears, yell, moan and scream into pillows until I don't need to anymore. I'm a grass fire, quick and big. When I turned around from doing the dishes to take a peek at him on the couch last night, he had a blanket over his face and I just saw his chest rise and fall rapidly, a little too quickly for calm breathing. But he was as quiet as a mouse sneeze the whole time.

Literal Cake Porn

2008-11-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

First it was a boob cake, next it's a ween.

I didn't catch a picture of the finished product, but I think there might be one on the camera at work, so if you're lucky, you might see that one in the near future. But the real stars of this story, are the pictures that the customers brought in as a reference for us. I'll warn, these are penises. Might not be safe for work.

Ween Uno

Ween Dos

Things to look for:

1)the difference between "good balls" and "not good balls".
2)"Not pink"
3)"yes"

Something that couldn't get caught with the scanner was on the second photo. Right where the big X is, they requested, "Not white".

Also, I dyed my hair a bit darker, and as promised to dear Bax, I'll provide pictures.

click to see larger

What's that? It doesn't look any different in the picture. You're right. I'll have to take some in the light of day.

this one's just cute and weird, and you can see my grandma's apron I'm wearing!

I was baking.

No, there aren't any pictures of the results.

poll

2008-11-12T16:35:00.000-08:00

Should I take an acting class next semester?

2008-11-05T12:24:00.000-08:00

Jamie is on a Tom Hanks rampage right now, and it's spreading! I feel it creeping into my body, his charm, grace, talent and humor are undeniable. I love the man! I just spent two hours of my life watching the AFI Lifetime Achievement award show honoring him on youtube. Now I'm his friend on myspace. I found this jewel among his videos:

A couple of my favorite things about it

1) The typewriters
2) The reference to John Adams

Hot damn! I hope he's as happy with the results as I am, along with the majority of America!

2008-11-05T12:17:00.001-08:00

"For the first time in my adult life, I am truly proud of my country."

Spirit Bless America!

CAAAAKE

2008-11-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

Homemade buttercream and a realllllly good golden cake recipe I got from epicurious.

It'll get cracked open tonight at a friend's election party.

I worked today, and found that there is high demand for an Obama cake lately. No McCains, though.

2008-10-28T16:30:00.001-07:00

An assignment for my English class was to maKe a political poster.

I mighty proud of mine!

2008-10-26T23:09:00.000-07:00

So I've started doing some deliveries for wedding cakes at work. It's nerve-wracking stuff, what with all that could go wrong, and I definitely wouldn't say I like doing them. I do, however, get paid for it and I try to be very, very careful. Today, my boss asked if I'd take some pictures, I took Tim's wonderful camera with me and thought I'd give you the nicest shot of the batch.

This cake was made by Yarrow Morse and her mother Linda at The Cakery.

It's all covered in fondant, and it was heavier than the subject matter in The Deer Hunter. Delivering it to its destination required carrying it from my car, through the receptionist's area, entering an elevator, holding that sonofabitch while waiting in the elevator, and then carrying it across the floorplan, bespeckled with tables, to the cake table across the room.

According to the boss, bless her soul, there are even worse situations, where one must carry this humongous, expensive, perishable, malleable, melt-able, beautiful mass down flights of stairs to reach the ballroom in at the bottom level of a hotel. I can only imagine it was worse than today, and today I was grasping the thing for dear life, sweating, and I felt the longer it took, that I was descending deeper and deeper into bicep purgatory. Stairs? Hot damn. Sometimes you have to make people move the cake table, so the cake isn't in the sun. I had to ask to move one a couple weeks ago, because they had this frosting-covered piece of art on a stand directly next to a fireplace, complete with a healthy, crackling flame burning bright.

Caking's going well, but I frequently find myself frustrated with my hands. Because bless them, they just haven't been doing it long enough. My latest mantra involves staring at them and thanking them for all the work they do. They've certainly been receiving a shit-ton of strength training as of late. Cake decorating requires a huge amount of strength and control, which are both aspects I find lacking in myself regularly, in all sorts of facets of my life. I'm thankful for my hands.

In something not related at all, whenever I download something from my FTP, my results allllways pop up with this little ditty first:

You have to click on it to see full size, sorry.

....and up close:

Just insert whatever title I'm looking for instead of the clash. Vivaldi, the Beatles, Marylin Monroe, anything. It will always offer me an option to see it having a shaking orgasm during sex. Huh.

And today Tim made the observation that sometimes Leona, my cat, looks like the logo from The Transformers movie.

\

what do you think?

Oh, and this:

Hegghghhee?!?!?

2008-10-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

My new favorite website, 23/7

2008-10-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

2008-10-22T12:45:00.000-07:00

I think these colors might be a liiiiittle too crazy.

2008-10-14T00:20:00.000-07:00

feet

we were both sitting there on the couch
listening to nothing
our feet up on the coffee table

you keep staring at mine I notice

then wrinkling the silence with
"hi toes, hi toes" and "your toes are cute"
before looking away
going back to work on a powerpoint presentation about
asbestos.

and later you say, abruptly,
"i'm worried you're going to knock over your juice"

I throw my feet down, and then,
wanting them back where they were
I sit up, grab the cup, and drink it all, too fast and too cold

hating that juice, slamming it down when it's done
crashing back into the couch

pissed
but not knowing why

Out of boogermen

2008-10-13T15:10:00.001-07:00

Which Mccain will it be today?

Natural...all natural white pistachio nut

2008-10-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

I can't sugar coat this.

2008-10-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

We had an order today for a boob cake. Though I didn't work on it, my co-caker, friend, and partner in crime, did. She crafted it with her skilled hands, with the finesse and ambition to be expected when one is told to make a boob cake. It was such a beautiful afternoon at the Cakery. So many people were uncomfortable about it, because it was SO REAL. She did such a good job.

I like this one because you can see how big she was going to make the boobs originally. She trimmed it down a bit.

The finished product, sans writing.

They wanted us to write the numbers 3 and 5 on each nipple, but why?? When we're already writing "Happy Birthday" on the board? Why ruin those perfect nips when we can just as easily write "Happy 35th Birthday"?

So I called them, to make that friendly suggestion. A video was taken, and that, too was pretty funny, but it's on her phone. Maybe you see it, maybe you won't.

Edit: I actually end with this:

From Theresa

2008-10-08T20:13:00.000-07:00

TOP 5 THINGS UNDER $5 I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT

1. Fruit
2. Coffee
3. Songs on itunes ($0.99)
4. Bobby Pins
5. Paint and/or brushes

TOP 5 FAVORITE MOVIES

1. Last of the Mohicans
2. Strictly Ballroom
3. Blade Runner
4. The Station Agent
5. Wolfman

TOP 5 BABY NAMES I LOVE (Besides my own Children’s)

1. Ginger
2. Theodore
3. Judith
4. Atom
5. Penny

TOP 5 SONGS I COULD LISTEN TO OVER AND OVER AGAIN

1. String Quartet No. 12 Op. 96 in F Major "American Lento" - (Antonin Dvorak)
2. The Morrow - (Michael Nyman)
3. Ramalama Bang Bang (Roisin Murphy)
4. Hyperballad - (Bjork)
5. Enigma of the Absolute - (Dead Can Dance)

TOP 5 BOOKS I LOVE

1. Still Life With Woodpecker - Tom Robbins
2. Harry Potters (all) - J.K Rowling
3. The Hunchback of Notre Dame - Victor Hugo
4. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
5. Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison

TOP 5 THINGS THAT ARE ALWAYS IN MY PURSE

1. My wallet
2. My keys
3. My ipod
4. Pepper Spray
5. Receipts, tons and tons of receipts

TOP 5 EXPERIENCES THAT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER

1. Backpacking in Europe
2. Moving to San Luis Obispo
3. Working at the Palm
4. Meeting Tim
5. Taking Mr. Sneeringer's English class

TOP 5 CURRENT OBSESSIONS

1. Tim Heidecker and Eric Wereheim, from Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job!
2. Bjork
3. Vegan baking
4. Vinegar-y foods
5. My cat

TOP 5 PLACES I’D LIKE TO GO

1. Ireland
2. New Zealand
3. Africa
4. My grandparents' ranch
5. Portland

TOP 5 APPLIANCES/KITCHEN TOOLS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT

1. Offset spatula
2. Heat resistant spatula
3. Stand Mixer
4. Wire wisks

TOP 5 FAVORITE TV SHOWS

1. Tim and Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job!
2. Firefly
3. True Blood
4. Carnivale
5. Queer as Folk

2008-10-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

This is fucking adorable.

2008-08-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night about making cheesecake. Not eating it, making it.

I am going to have to do something about that.

2008-08-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

So at this point, it's been so long since I've posted anything that I'm preeetty sure I'm talking to myself. That's cool.

So what have I been up to? Fuckin', making cakes! As my job! That's right, I finally grew a pair and said something to my boss. While mopping the back room, I finally squeaked out to her, "Hey Y---?"

"Yeah?" She looks my way patiently.
"I like cake."

I quickly added that I meant making cakes. After she requested I show her pictures of cakes I had made. So I did and she saw what I can only imagine she considered a solid effort if nothing else. She then asked if I'd be interested in starting cakes this summer. I told her I'd think about it. Just kidding.

So, it's been a whirlwind summer. I was working two jobs, up until I wanted to jump off a cliff, and I finally had to choose one. Cakes was it.

And JESUS, have I learned a lot about cake decorating. One of the effects of having it as a job --be it fortunate or unfortunate-- is that I don't make cakes at home as much, as my appetite for flinging frosting is largely sated at work.

So, the problem arises about photos. I've made a shit-load of cake, but only have two pictures for you. I've decided to bring my camera with me to work from now on, to show you anything good I did that day.

This first one was not something I did at work, but at my parents' new house for a housewarming dinner party when I visited last week. Devil's Food Cake, filled with ganache, raspberry jam and iced with raspberry buttercream.

It was my first attempt at making proper buttercream.
It was a complete success, which I'm proud of, but only to a point, because I feel like the majority of my success is owed to Cooking For Engineers. This site is awesome, in the way Alton Brown is awesome. This brains behind this operation is a man named Michael Chu, whose site features equipment reviews, test recipes, and, my favorite, recipes. I like them so much because there are photographs illustrating what things should look like at each step, because he, like Alton, explains why each step is important, and because I have success every time I use one of his recipes. So thanks, Mr. Chu!

This second cake I made at work, and was documented by my co-worker, on her phone. It was an order, attached was a picture of this:

and the description was something like this:

"Cake: 7" large Truffle. On the entire top of the cake, a depiction of a lion. Use any picture you want. No sunglasses on the lion, please."

If anyone knows me, they know that lions, along with bees, are my favorite animal, and I am obsessed with them. It was also exciting to me because I have never done a buttercream drawing before. It's difficult, but having experience with painting made this a lot easier. The result was not perfect, but one of the most important things I am learning is BE ABLE TO WALK AWAY FROM YOUR CAKE. Do not overthink things. They will never be perfect, and if you keep doing shit to it, it's going to make things worse 95% of the time.

So here it is. I'm excited that my first experience wasn't traumatic, and that I know I will only improve from here. Sorry about the awful quality. Like I said, I'm going to bring my own camera for situations like these in the future.

I like Bax's term "Cake Porn"

2008-06-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

No Shit?

All from English Russia

The Russians are good at their cakes.

What I'm noticing, though: the really heavily died cakes always don't taste as good.

I don't have any pics of my own now, I'm on day 8 of a workathon. The good news is that I start working on the cakes at the bakery where I work tomorrow!

2008-06-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

I made a vegetarian pot pie this evening, after a very productive day. It was a mixed hybrid of a bunch of recipes from Vegweb.com, a website mainly for vegans. All the recipes are vegan, and my pie could have been non dairy, all it required was some earth balance soy butter, which I have, and some cheese substitute. If the pie were for me alone, I'd do that. But honestly? I just don't think my boyfriend would like it very much. So I made the chicken a Morningstar meat substitute, and the crust was from whole wheat AP flour. And that's as far as I'd go this time.

It was AWESOME! The filling required vegetable broth and whatever veggies you want! So I threw in celery, zucchini, broccoli, and fresh basil, and I mixed in nutritional yeast to give it that extra ooomph. The guy liked it, too!

Plus it was fun to make.

oh fruity!

2008-05-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

This I just finished and delivered. A flourless chocolate cake topped with hazelnut whipped cream, and fruit fixin's. It was for a friend's grandmother's birthday. She can't eat gluten, hence the flourless chocolate cake.

2008-05-26T23:17:00.000-07:00

Oh hi!

So the most recent cake I made was a vegan one, a four layer chocolate filled with hazelnut buttercream and iced with a vanilla buttercream(both vegan, despite the name). I tried to do the little technique where you frost a cake and top it with ganache (the king of all icings).

I ended up pouring it too hot, and it melted the frosting, causing wreckage. But hey man, it tasted good.

Also, I used a soy creamer instead of heavy cream with some Trader Joe's chocolate, and I found that the chocolate would just not effing melt all the way. Typically, to make ganache you bring the cream to a boil and pour it over the chocolate, and if you wait a minute or two, when you start to stir, the chocolate will be all ready to go. Not the case here. I'm thinking I might need to add the chocolate to the saucepan and melt it that way, for the vegan ganache.

Ganache, by the way, is the BEST. It's versatile, easy, and unimaginably tasty. If you ever need a quick filling or frosting, make some up, and pour it like a glaze, or cool it till firm and then whip it up and use it that way. Dang, it's good!

2008-05-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

Talk like the animals!

2008-05-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have finals this week, and I'm afraid I've been pretty preoccupied with the dumb stress that goes along with that. My hardest one is tomorrow, and I'm actually procrastinating on it as we speak to blog!

Yesterday was my day to buckle down, and I already knew that my mental health does not fare well if I try to devote my focus solely on math for more than an hour at a time. Break it up, I say. My morale stays high, and I retain more knowledge in my brains!

So I found a food project that was a perfect fit to chip away at the tedium.

Croissants!

Well, the reason this pastry was a good idea was not only are they effing delish, but the process of making the dough is actually conducive to effective, incremental study. Here's why:

Making croissants involves folding a block of chilled but malleable butter into a sheet of dough by placing it on the dough, folding it over the butter in thirds, rolling it all out to a 15 by 10 rectangle--which is challenging with cold butter and stiff dough--- then folding it in thirds again, and chilling for an hour. Then you do it again, three more times, again waiting for the dough to refrigerate for an hour before rolling it out and folding again. When that's done, you chill for up to 18 hours, but no less than 8. The point is to create those thin flaky layers vital to the croissant. The challenge would be waiting the full amounts of time. Unless, you have a ton of math to do. Then it's juuust right.

I finished the dough around 10 pm last night, studied, visited the with some friends to scream out the lyrics to the Violent Femmes for a few hours, then went to sleep. I woke up, and went to work. Cracked a bunch of eggs, steamed a bunch of milk, and then went home and immediately got going rolling out my little bread moons.

They turned out just fine, but I've found a few things to tweak. Firstly, I used an unbleached whole wheat flour, which I do not regret. The wholesome, almost meaty flavor that whole wheat flour often lends to was complimented beautifully by what could be considered an over- buttery pastry. But the hard truth is that whole grain-goodness isn't necessarily everyone's first choice. My beau had to get used to the wheat taste, but spoke highly of them when he had inhaled a few more (they're actually pretty small), saying that he "actually really likes them". To be fair, I think whole wheat AP flour does produce more gluten than bleached AP flour, making the bread a bit more dense.

So, when baking for a wider audience, I might go half and half white and wheat, or all white.
Can't win all the time.
Also, I think I'll do an egg wash next time. The croissants looked beautiful, but were missing that token glimmer.

I also highly recommend spraying your preheated oven generously with water before putting in your rolls. I tried one batch with and one without and the fluffiness of the bread was really dependent on this step.

Also, how good is this guy at taking pictures, eh? Jeez.

peel it n' soak it

2008-05-12T17:59:00.000-07:00

While looking for something to make for lunch, I received a request yesterday to make deviled eggs. I don't think I had even eaten a deviled egg before, much less prepared one.

Determined to widen my range of egg preparatory skills, and, more importantly, to procrastinate on homework, I set out to learn the ins and outs of this demonic dish.

I found the perfect resource the instant I typed in "deviled eggs" on Google. Thanks, internet!

Detailed recipes, instructions, suggestions, and facts, complete with photographs illustrating each step.

The filling I chose had a little too much salt, but the guides on hard boiling and peeling eggs were invaluable. The key it seems, to easy peeling, is soaking cracked eggs in cold water for ten minutes to allow water to seep into the shell to lift it off the egg, allowing effortless peeling with perfect results.

2008-05-11T21:06:00.000-07:00

Since I've started to work at the Cakery, I have become a little obsessed with cake. Not really with its taste, but with the art of its creation. I've since begun to wander down the rabbit hole of baking, finding that cooking is actually really, really fun.

When I started, I was just looking at the internet. First at the website for the bakery, and then onto search engines. I saw picture after picture of these cakes, artfully created and beautifully prepared. These cakes, like little planets, glowed on their plates. I started to look at how they were made.

I FUCKIN LOVE CAKE!!!!!!

OK, so the first cake.

I made a vegan chocolate cake for a friend, with vegan frosting, etc. I made the mistake of not centering the cake on the plate, so it's crooked. I also did not refrigerate the cake enough. Live and learn.

Next, my another friend was moving to Portland. She was going to have a bon voyage party and I wanted to provide a cake. I decided to make a suitcase cake, and I did a practice run.

It was really good I did, because the chocolate fondant I made had too much chocolate in it, and cracked a bunch when I laid it on the cake. It looked leathery, which is OK for a suitcase I guess, but doesn't look appetizing. The pan I used was wrong, and I didn't refrigerate the cake long enough before decorating it.

Then, I got this idea to do a cake in the shape of something much more in the theme of bon voyage...

It turned out OK to look at, but to eat, it was just not that awesome.

Then, I tried to find a recipe that sounded interesting, instead of delicious. It was for an earl grey chiffon cake, with honey frosting. I baked it, iced it, and used this opportunity to use some of my new supplies (fondant cutters, rotating caKe plate, etc) in the decorating.

It ended up looking cool, but when we cracked it open and ate it, it was AWFUL.

I've since decided to focus a bit more on the tastiness of the food.

A strawberry chocolate with whipped cream.

I've made some others, not pictured. A white cake filled with raspberry preserves, and a reallllly good peanut butter chocolate mousse cake for Bax's birthday. You can find the recipe at the Savory Notebook.

That's all I can write for now.

2008-05-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

I have never been an avid tool fan. I've enjoyed their songs when played in the background, echoing from the walls of my sister's room in the morning, for instance, as we got ready for school.

While doing homework this late afternoon with mah bee eff, I asked him to put on some music, and he decided to put on some Tool. It started with Ænima (the song) and then I was asked if I had seen the music video for "Sober". I hadn't.

And then we watched Prison Sex. Then some Maynard interviews. And then I looked them up on good old Wikipedia. And now I'm here, breaking in the blog by expressing how upset I am that I didn't listen to them, I mean really listen, sooner.

And so I leave you with this: